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I’m Hanging Up My Apron For Good

March 13, 2011

Dear My Old Job (as a server),

Tonight was our last night together.  Over the past year and a half we have grown quite close, at times spending up to eight hours a day together in the restaurant. Yet this day has been long overdue and I am off to bigger and better things (like a new job!!).

I thank you for the lessons you have taught me: how to grow a tough skin, how to balance more than six glasses of water on a tray, how to smile despite a massive hangover, and how to discreetly text behind a cash register.  However, there is something I must say…

…I will not miss you.

I quit!

I will not miss the undisciplined, noisy children who stick edamame beans in the chairs and convince me that I do not want kids for another decade…or two.

I will not miss the tables who do not shower and force me to hold my breath the entire time I’m taking their order.

I will not miss being handed a $20 bill on a $19.61 check and told to “keep the change”.

I will not miss being creeped on, stared at, or hit on.

I will not miss bringing someone their fifth diet coke.

I will not miss telling a customer that we do not have crab rangoon/Ranch dressing/ketchup/General Tso’s chicken since we are a Japanese restaurant.

I will not miss eating breakfast at 11 am, lunch at 3 pm, and dinner at 11 pm.

I will not miss watching people use their fingers to lick every. single. tempura flake off their plate.

I will not miss trying to remember that you wanted a California roll with no fish eggs, add cream cheese, spicy mayo on the side, add tuna only if it’s not frozen, and cut into smaller pieces.

I will not miss looking like a professional goth in my all black button up blouse and slacks and non-slip shoes.

I will not miss having nightmares about work.

And I absolutely, definitely will not miss being looked down on by pretentious people.  Yes, I have a college degree and yes I intend to do something with it and no, the most important thing in my life is not getting you a water with lemon.

Yours no more, ever again,


p.s. I will miss the customers who have treated me with kindness and respect, were understanding of little mishaps, and left a generous tip.  It is people like you who put smiles on servers faces and help us pay our gas bill.  Thank you.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 13, 2011 8:18 am

    Hi, thanks for the link! I especially cracked up at the, “I will not miss bringing someone their fifth diet coke.” Really – at that point, just give up the “diet.” 😉

    Best of luck on your new job!! The irony is I had the stable office job, yet for some reason I quit (to go to Costa Rica for 2 months), and now I find myself back being a “professional goth” (lol) once again. Who knows what’s next? 🙂

  2. Lauren permalink
    March 13, 2011 8:21 am

    I’m only guilty of the tempura flakes thing…I’m sorry!

  3. Jenessa permalink
    March 13, 2011 8:41 am

    Love it! I felt the SAME WAY when I finally quit my serving job, only mine was burgers and wings instead of sushi and tempura. So did you get a job?? Can’t wait to hear about it!

  4. Aaron permalink
    March 13, 2011 9:45 am

    This was wonderful and gave me the giggles, but I am guilty of the Diet Coke and licking every tempura flake off my plate. :\ I am sad I only got to see you there once! You would’ve been a better waitress than the one we got. She was grumpy! Wishing you luck in whatever it is you do next! 😀

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