As long as you don’t get crabs…
And yes, I am referring to both the food and the STD.
Yesterday I received this text message from Austin:
“So the entire staff at work is going to the strip club buffet tomorrow at noon. Requesting permission to go.”
…..yeah. I know.
A strip club buffet.
I didn’t even know those existed. An all-you-can-eat buffet, in a strip club. But now that I start thinking about it, I suppose that you could work up an appetite sticking dollar bills in the g-string of scantily-clad dancing girls.
Honestly, I think it’d be less embarrassing if my boyfriend were going to a strip club for the strippers. Instead, he’s going there for the food.
What do they even serve at a strip club buffet?
According to a Google review of the place (yes, I looked it up):
“The Flamingo Club is a local club that offers reasonably priced drinks and attractive entertainment. Drinks ran from $3-$5+ and they have a good selection of beers and alcohols. Each day of the week has a unique drink special. They serve lunch and the food is worth the money. Don’t expect anything fancy. The $8 buffet on Fridays was worth $8 + you get entertainment.”
Which begs the questions: Do you think there’s a wide selection? Is there a salad bar? Would they require that you use a new plate each time? Do you think the strippers prepare the food?
Wouldn’t that be something to put on a resume? Previous employment: Exotic Dancer/Professional Chef.
Now I don’t like buffets to begin with. Something about the idea of sharing hour-old food with complete strangers who might or might not have washed their hands after using the bathroom that makes me a bit squeamish. And there’s just nothing appetizing about wrinkly vegetables and congealed sauce and fake bake chicken…plus, there’s always the risk of stuffing myself stupid.
Okay, so the real reason I hate buffets is because I have no self-control.
But seriously, why would you want to share food with strangers that not only don’t wash their hands after the bathroom, but maybe after, uh, groping a few bare butt cheeks?
Anyway…if this whole situation couldn’t get any more stranger, he’s going today of all days. On Good Friday. I’m sure this isn’t what Catholics were thinking of when they wanted you to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Now I’m not a religious person, but still…isn’t this like going to the casinos on Christmas…or something?
And you’re not going to believe this. According to the website, today’s buffet is a special Easter Buffet.
Do you think they’ll be serving Easter ham and jellybeans?